9. BIO: “TESTING”

In preparation for entering the Carmelite Monastery, the Community required applicants to be tested by a School Sister of Notre Dame who was a psychologist. It is important that a person is joining a cloistered community for the ‘right’ reasons and has health of mind/body/spirit for the rigors of the stark and simple lifestyle. One part of the testing revealed the degree of, ‘self-motivation’. The second part revealed basic challenges of a person’s temperament. This self knowledge greatly benefited both our spiritual and human developmental processes. My test results were: ‘Self-motivation’, 100%; and, with three temperament challenges of a tendency towards sadness; borderline scrupulosity; and being, ‘over responsible’.

So, you can imagine how I ‘initially’ felt upon becoming ‘aware’ of how even a negative thought ‘negatively’ effected everyone else who ever lived, is now on earth, or is yet to be born! (It is my understanding that our, ‘SOURCE- PERSPECTIVE’, of Creation and of our union in and with all Creation and one another, is, ‘outside-of-time’.) Needless to say, I became very, ‘sad’; ‘scrupulously’ spent much time during our daily, ‘Examination of Conscience’; and, ‘over responsibly’ went out of my way to ‘look’ a second and third time at my fellow Sister’s expressions to be sure that the ‘fruits’ of my thoughts, words, and actions were only LOVE/PEACE. After about two weeks of being mentally, physically, and spiritually ‘worn out’ from this exceedingly, ‘perfection-oriented’, approach to ‘relationships’, I remembered God’s Promise related in Scripture to, ‘bring good out of everything’, (Romans 8:28):

A 'negative' thought offers me an 'exercise-moment' in which I can practice exchanging 'my' perception with the PERCEPTION of the MIND & HEART of my SOURCE.

A word spoken without ‘thoughtfulness’ carries with it the potential to open me to ‘opportunity’ for new ‘redemptive’ communication moments . . . and,

A ‘misplaced’ action or ‘omission’ teaches me how to better ‘edit’ my thoughts that, in turn, can lead me to less-than-loving words and actions . . .

This is the, ‘good’, that is always ‘available’ for us in every situation. Consequently, ‘HOPE’ dispelled my ‘sadness’ allowing, PEACE to, accordingly, relax this borderline scrupulous and over-responsible mind/heart/spirit!

It soon became apparent that ‘I’ couldn’t ‘perfectly’ incarnate LOVE/PEACE in ‘my’ every thought-word-action . . . HOWEVER, The SPIRIT of our SOURCE would PERFECTLY, ‘Be PRESENT’, in and through my thoughts/words/actions in ‘HER’ WAY . . . my ‘role’ was to simply, ‘let go’ of my ‘attempts’ to ‘control’ my ‘self’ that all these energies would be, instead, used ‘by’ The SPIRIT of our SOURCE in the service of others . . . I was then lead to seek out and embrace the, ‘essence’, of the three traditional vows of Religious Life, (poverty-chastity-obedience), over the ‘superficial aspects’ of, ‘having no things’; of ‘denying all sexual desires’; and, of following Mother Superior’s ‘word’ without question, dialogue, or communal discernment processes.

Three of the 8 Beatitudes for me specially corresponded to the vows of poverty-chastity-obedience. They offered meaningful developmental understanding of the deepest ‘spirit’ behind any superficial ‘letter’ of each vow:

‘Poverty of spirit’(poverty); ‘Singleness of heart’ (chastity); and, ‘Hunger & thirst for holiness/wholeness’ (obedience), became my personal cloistered, ‘mantra’ . . .

Along with this ‘threefold’ dedicated consecration of, mind/heart/body/spirit, was a daily growing ‘awareness’ of the Indwelling of our very, SOURCE. And, that, ‘we’, in Community, are called to be, ‘in-relationship-with’, one another in our Indwelling SOURCE through a Threefold Creating Freedom; Redeeming Unity; and, Sanctifying Integrity . . . It is this Eternal Relationship with one another in our Indwelling SOURCE that, clearly became for me the, ‘goal of my soul’ for personal and Communal,
‘Fulfillment’. (See, “A Community Prayer”)